I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George CarlinI say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George CarlinYou show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George CarlinI enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.
George CarlinIn some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.
George CarlinThere is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father was asked to leave because he couldn't metabolize ethanol. Actually, my mother ran away with us when I was 2 months old and my brother was 5. Real dramatic stuff: down the fire escape, through backyards. So, I sort of raised myself. I was alone a lot and I invented myself - I lived through the radio and through my imagination.
George Carlin