I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

What year did Jesus think it was?