Cocaine was different. It kept saying, "You haven't had enough." I became an abuser almost instantly.

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.