People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.

Pardon me I've got nothing to say.

There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.

I was a class clown, of the classic term for it. I would get the work done easily, and then I would try to deprive other people of their educations. I developed skills for mimicry, and I was a good showoff. I knew how to get attention, and I knew how to do it in a positive funny way.