My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.

Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.