I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.