Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.