Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.

Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."

In adolescence you have to separate yourself and establish your identity. So, being very independent anyway, I took charge.