Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.