Grass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George CarlinGeologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.
George CarlinSo I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George CarlinIf you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin