I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning

In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.