Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole.

I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.

I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.

I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist.