What year did Jesus think it was?

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?

It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.