I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.

Hard work is for people short on talent.