If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

... the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you.

People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.