Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.