Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. They all said: 'Try to live together peacefully.' BAM! Right in the f--in head! Aparently we're not ready for that!

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.