Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in?

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?