Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself, maybe to the world. I [also] needed to be - not the center of attention - but I needed to be able to attract attention when I wanted it, through my stunts and my fooling around physically with faces or postures or voices I would do. Those things are important elements in the drive behind all of this [my career].

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning.