Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.