I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.

Religion is just mind control.

What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.

Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are already established in my mind as things I say, things that I'm interested in, things that are fodder for my [stand-up] machine. And when I see something that relates to one of them, I know it instantly and if it's a further exaggeration and a further addition, or an exception - if it plays into furthering my purpose, I jot it down.