People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?