I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.
George CarlinThat invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George CarlinIf it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George CarlinThe whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
George Carlin