The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time.

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.