Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.

I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.