If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.

The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.

My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. "You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits." And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.