If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.