Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school. She gave me all the proper guidance and influences, but physically, she just couldn't be there.