There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind