The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.