In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.

Religion is just mind control.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.