In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!

I have a lot of things [in me] that are childlike and innocent and sweet.

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.