I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

Barry Goldwater has definitely decided to be a candidate in '64. He will campaign in all thirteen states.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.