I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you're screwed because it's all fixed and rigged. There is a club and you ain't in it.

I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a natural area that I'd have loved - to teach it, probably, Language has always fascinated me. There's a genetic inheritance there a good language gene, which I inherited [from my mother and grandfather] and she fostered that in me as he fostered that in her.