I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?

So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.