The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you.

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.