Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!