Somebody once said that Hollywood is based on a lot of producers deliberately making bad movies, and every now and then somebody gets lucky.

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.