If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.

Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.