The status quo sucks.

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.