What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain

Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!

There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.