You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet.

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.