I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.

Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!

None of the Christian religions do [interest me]. They're all outer-directed.

They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.