There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are.

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?