And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.

The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.