Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking

Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

If you you think there is a solution, you're part of the problem.

I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was kicked out of everything that I didn't quit. Kicked out of schools. Kicked out of summer camp, the Boy Scouts, the altar boys, the choir, and something else that I can't think of, that I'm proud of. Anyway, that was my pattern. I just began to invent myself early in life, and went out and did something about it.

Tits always look better in a pink sweater.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.