I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.

Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.