In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.

A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done.

Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time.

There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.