Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't really feel like a member of the human race, to tell you the truth. I know I am, but I really don't. All the definitions are there, but I don't really feel a part of it. I think I have found a detached point of view, an ideal emotional detachment from the American experience and culture and the human experience and culture and human choices.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.