No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you're screwed because it's all fixed and rigged. There is a club and you ain't in it.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin.

I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .