Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I look at it this way... For centuries now, man has done everything he can to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature: clear-cutting forests, strip-mining mountains, poisoning the atmosphere, over-fishing the oceans, polluting the rivers and lakes, destroying wetlands and aquifers... so when nature strikes back, and smacks him on the head and kicks him in the nuts, I enjoy that. I have absolutely no sympathy for human beings whatsoever. None. And no matter what kind of problem humans are facing, whether it's natural or man-made, I always hope it gets worse.

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.