Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

I use the [vulgar] words because apparently these words do not corrupt morally. I'm from the street in New York, hung around in a tough neighborhood. It was common to curse, you make your point. It's a very effective language. I try not to overdo it. It's never to shock. I know where it fits, it's never to shock. There's no shock value left in words.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.

The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.