Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.