The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

The status quo sucks.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

Hard work is for people short on talent.