Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space.

If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.

I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!